I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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