Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
