how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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