She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
