The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize