I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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