put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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