i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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