just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This is the high leading the old right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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