I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
