if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
