moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
