Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
