i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
