Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
