He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize