Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
