If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
