Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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