I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
