Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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