I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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