don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
