i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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