so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
