Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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