I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
