Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
