sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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