considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
