a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
