He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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