i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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