Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I am one with the molecules
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