i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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