I just threw up on my dentist
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
