I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Randomize
