I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
