After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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