yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
