I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
