I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize