i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
