just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
