If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
