I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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