You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
