i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
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So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
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I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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