he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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