my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
