Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
