i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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