I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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