my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize