can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
