whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
