A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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