i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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