you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
two words...techno handjob
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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