I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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