There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
