True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
