I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
