spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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