It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
