hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Still dying that you shit outside
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
