first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
