happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
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I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize