From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
