it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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