well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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